Fall Fail.

I'm sitting in my University's little cafe thing with a blueberry muffin and a vanilla latte while listening to Devendra Banhart, and while perfect this may feel, I just know something is missing

Is it the lack of knowledge I should have for the french test I'm about to take?

Or a companion for such a lovely morning?

no!

Today is the first day of Autumn

yet Hawaii has still to get the memo.

and this depresses me greatly.

I've lived in Hawaii since I was 2

I've never gotten a proper Autumn or Winter

while it gets colder (more so in the morning) its just not the same

I desperately want a hallmark Autumn, with orange leaves the crunch beneath my leather riding boots, 

I want to warm my frigid hands with a warm pumpkin spice latte cup from Starbucks

I want to fall into leaves and bust out my rain boots to hop into puddles.

I want to taste it on my tongue and give it a good warm hug.

I want to wear cute hats and wear cranberry red lipstick that leaves a kiss mark on my coffee lid.

but alas

:(


So me and the best person in the universe Paisley decided to bring fall to Hawaii

we had warm pumpkin spice lattes and dressed in our best fall digs despite the humidity and strutted the streets of our University

I wore this:

I'm wearing:

-Vintage J.Crew Navy blue boat neck T-shirt

-Olive/Sage green J.Crew 

-Urban Renewal skirt from Urban Outfitters

-Gold shoes from Urban Outfitters   

-Handbag from my dear friend Natalie who got it abroad

-Yellow turban borrowed from my sister

This is Paisley

who is basically the best.

 -Gloves from Mrs.Goodideas

we're adorable

and we have tree monocles.


so all of you who don't live in Hawaii, enjoy Autumn for me
and if you have Autumn flavored blogposts or pictures PLEASE SHOW ME

Please Keep it Sassy,
xoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxo

"I Go To Seek The Great Perhaps"

Death is a really strange thing.

I know we all remember where we were when 9/11 happened.

My mother and her generation remember where they were when JFK got shot.

These are huge milestones in American history.

But what about deaths much more close to home?

My grandparents died either before I was born or while I was a small child.

Besides my direct family, I dont have a large extended family.

And my friends are very healthy.

My closes instances to death were either a classmate having cancer, which she survived

and my best friend's suicide attempt which he survived.

But September 10, 2011 my world was flipped upside down.

I just met up with my friends Charlie and Maria and Charlie's foreign Exchange student,

we were walking on Keamoku street on our way to WalMart for some good teenage bored-induced fun when I got a call from my sister.

Hayley called me and said "The craziest but sad thing just happened"

and I said "what?" thinking, idk, someone broke their foot or her computer hard-drive crashed

but then she said

"Sascha Franzel is dead"

and with that sentence, my heart just stopped. 

I started crying immediately

my world just stopped. 

Sascha Franzel was a family friend that I've literally known since I was about 9 years old

She'd always been there,

we werent that close, but she was always there

and I was told she passed away

I then went home and cried with my friends and family and Paisley came over and was the best support system, being there while I cried and cried.

Paisley's childhood tiger named Flame was a great tear catcher

It was so rough

I had to get out of work and I wore black for a few days but then something hit me

while listening to R.Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly" while eating icecream soup (yes you can laugh at my  ridiculousness)

There is no use crying over what I should've done

I should've spent more time with Sascha

I should've caught up with her one more time before she passed away

There is no use crying over what people deserve

because her mother and father didnt deserve this

She didnt deserve this, her life was so promising she was going to be a surgeon

and all the people who loved her didnt deserve this

Because my brother Sebastian taught me something very important (that he may or may not've stolen from Gandalf)

"Life is not about what we deserve, but what we do with what we get."

and he was so incredibly right.

My dad also gave me a gem of advice that I will keep with me forever

"Just because Sascha has passed away, doesnt mean you can't keep her with you, and keep her with you for the rest of your life"

and this is so true.

I also came to the personal decision that after my proper time of mourning I needed to start being happy, because Sascha was such a light, and loved making people happy that it would be a dishonor if I didnt cheer up for her. 

so I did a few different things to properly honor her memory:

The most cosmic one would have to be this ring.

I bought this kate spade ring a few hours before she left for solar space <3

The significance of this ring is that its a bow

people tie bows around their fingers to remember

It's a little known fact that the nerves that define your sense of touch on your index fingers are the ones with the quickest connections routed directly to the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for memory. Tying a ribbon around the index finger means you constantly have a texture that's activating those nerves and thus keeping that part of the brain in alpha (high activity) mode. If you tie the ribbon (or wear a ring on your index finger, or any such apparatus) at the very moment you are trying to memorize something you mustn't forget later on, it associates that brain activity with said memory, keeping that pathway almost exclusively as a conduit for that memory.

so I wear it on my ring finger (just cause I dont like index finger rings)

to constantly remind me of her, to remind me to be patient and kind, to also remind me to make time for everyone and to remember that life is too short so I must do things!

Then I wore black (and dramatic makeup) to properly mourn her passing

heres a few looks

leading to the third thing I did for her

Paisley, Maria and I created a personal impromptu memorial for Sascha

We wore our sassiest black outfits

I said a few words

The sun was setting in the west

and I set a lei out to sea,

and in true Sascha Nature I just chucked it in!

And lastly

I bought a fish in her honor

her birthday wishes were for an aquarium and for all her loved ones to be safe, healthy and happy!

so since I'm safe, healthy and happy

SOOOO

I BOUGHT A FISH

its name is Sascha Fierce and lives in a pineapple under the sea!

So Rest In Peace Sascha Franzel 

We atleast made it to each others graduations <3

<3

and you were the only one of us brave enough to set off the airhorns

May you float completely and totally at peace.

and I know in my whole heart that in in heaven you will ALWAYS be keeping it sassy,

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo,

Caelan

Ruminating.

a few outfits.

 

 

Its 9:58 friday morning and I just feel like talking.

I've been so incredibly overwhelmed in college. 

I guess its just hard being the tiny fish again, I'm not losing a sense of identity but I've just been really unhappy with things lately and I've been feeling like there is no escape persay, I'll never be able to just snap my fingers and transport to an alternate reality. 

I know I sound emo but I think I'm just feeling like my life is tarnished and the process of sewing the pieces back together is turning out to be a lot more difficult than I intended. 

BUT

I'm trying to do something about it

I've gathered a few things that make me ridiculously happy that I thought I'd share with you

(left to right): Vintage folder found at free store, latest issue of lula, a unicorn drawing Paisley drew me, my Listography book and my new tiny to do list!

also this

that makes me quite happy.

what I'm trying to get at is that the time has come to make my universe a better place and I'm gonna do it!

Slowly but surely I'm going to do it.

<3

Makeup by moi.

Its September, the sun is shinning. and I quite like makeup.

Instead of making a video I thought I'd just show you via pictures my makeup for the day.

I bought all these products with my own doll-hairs.

this is my face.

this is my mirror.

Paisley left this note.

<3

this is my makeup drawer.

I start with these:

current song

I use these (left to right): Urban Decay primer potion, Benefit boi-ing, Benefit get even, and Benefit your rebel lite tinted moisturizer. 

I'm the lightest shade 01.

this is my unmakeup face

this is my face with You Rebel on my face, boi-ing for my dark under eye circles, Get Even over both of those and the primer potion on my eyes. 

this is my eyeshadow pallet. 

current song.

this is the Urban Decay Naked pallet. 

The eyeshadow brush that comes with the pallet

A rounded crease brush from Sephora and a blender brush from Nordstrom.

this is the color Virgin

I put it all over my eye.

this is the color Toasted I put it only on my eyelid.

this is the color Hustler, I put it on my crease

this is the color Gunmetal I put a bit of this in the outer corner of my eye.

this is my face.

this photo is a bit out of focus.

this is my favorite Mascara and eyeliner combination.

Benefit's magic ink jet black liquid eyeliner and "they're real" mascara

Current song.

this is my face.

this is my face in better lighting.

.

this is my signature scent.

this is Juicy Couture love G&P perfume.

that is my makeup.

keep it sassy,

x

o